We’ve gone about the task of identifying those of our fellow citizens in true need and assisting them with food, in entirely the wrong way. First, we identified those in need. Then, leaving the rest of the populace alone, we assisted with food stamps and other targeted public assistance. Good deal … the right thing to do. But it was done poorly.

Let’s fix it. Everyone (read: you and me included) please prepare to check in to get your food. We can no longer regulate assisting just those in true need but must prescribe food for all. There may or may not be a public option. Of course, there will have to be an entirely new bureaucracy created of food police, uh, I mean regulators.

I’m sorry if those of you liking what you eat, and when and how, don’t like this plan but it’s truly best for you. Don’t worry about the details, those will be worked out later by a beneficent Congress. I’m sure you can reconcile that notion. Oh yes, one other detail, you need to get another job to pay more taxes to pay for this grand idea … now … but the food won’t actually start being distributed for another six years.  Fear not, for this plan is brought to you by those who made such a success out of medicare, medicaid, Amtrak, and social security, as well as the creation of Government Motors and the use of your tax dollars to pay incentives for trading in Toyotas.